NAIROBI. If your car has a secret habit of cozying up on pedestrian walkways, you might want to sit it down for a serious chat because Nairobi Governor Johnson Sakaja has officially declared war on rogue parkers!
In what might go down as the most dramatic breakup between cars and pavements in Nairobi’s history, the county boss has announced that the Nairobi City County Government will be deploying an army of tow trucks to hunt down and haul away vehicles illegally parked on pedestrian walkways. Yes, you heard that right if your car is caught lounging where people are meant to walk, it will be publicly shamed, lifted off the ground like a misbehaving toddler, and dragged away kicking (or rather, rolling) and screaming.
“We are taking back the walkways!” Sakaja proclaimed, possibly while dramatically pointing at a map of Nairobi with a toy tow truck in hand (okay, maybe not but it would’ve been cool). “This city is not a jungle where cars do as they please. Enough is enough!”
For years, pedestrians in Nairobi have been forced to play a real life game of “The Floor is Lava” as they hop over flower beds, squeeze between boda bodas, and sidestep sleeping cats just to make it from point A to point B all because some drivers treat footpaths like personal parking spots. But now, the honeymoon is over.
City Hall says the crackdown will be swift, merciless, and highly visible. So, unless your car has dreams of becoming a viral video sensation being hoisted by a crane in the middle of Kimathi Street, you might want to start using the actual parking lots those big empty spaces designed for, you know, cars.
As the plan rolls out, Nairobians can expect more space to walk, fewer near death experiences with car bumpers, and if we’re lucky a little street theatre when the first tow truck snatches an unsuspecting Vitz from the jaws of entitlement.
Drivers, you’ve been warned. park properly, or prepare to part ways. Because Sakaja’s tow squad isn’t playing and they’ve got fuel, chains, and a point to prove.